Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

Author: J.K Rowling, John Tiffany, Jack Thorne
Publisher: Little Brown
Read: 31 July 2016
Genre: Fantasy, Wizarding World, Young Adult, Play

The Cursed Child: Why Am I So Annoyed? 

Aka there are spoilers! 

For me and for many like me, Harry Potter is my childhood. I grew up with the midnight releases, sitting outside bookstores with my friends and begging my parents to allow me to stay up once returning home to read it. I was always told to go to bed and my light switched off.

These books, this story, these characters, all hold special places in my heart. I cannot forget about them and I will never leave it’s world. Growing up in Ireland, right beside the country where the story took place, visiting Scotland and seeing the café JKR wrote the books in and the places that were used to shoot outdoor scenes for the train, it brought the story closer to me than any other story ever has.

And today is Harry Potter’s birthday. And on his birthday, I purchased and read the new instalment to the series, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. And I had seen the rumours and I had hoped against hope that the rumours had been wrong, that the play was better than that. 330 pages of new material and the best thing I got out of it? Harry is the one who does most of the cooking. So why am I so annoyed with this book?

Spoilers ahead!


It doesn’t follow the cannon timeline. JKR didn’t follow her own goddamn timeline. Page 307 of the play “I am from the future. The child of Bellatrix Lestrange and you. I was born in Malfoy Manor before the Battle of Hogwarts

I’m sorry. What? Did Harry, Ron and Hermione not see Bellatrix Lestrange at Malfoy Manor, Easter of 1998? Easter Sunday 1998 fell on 12th April. The Battle of Hogwarts was 2nd May 1998. If Bellatrix had been pregnant at the time, it would have shown!!!

But, Ellen! Magic!

Lads, Bellatrix Lestrange was fanatical about Voldemort. Do you honestly think, at a time when Voldemort was on the rise and Voldemort was in near control of the British Wizarding World that she would have hidden something like that? That she, at almost nine months pregnant, would have been around throwing knives that killed Dobby? That she would have tortured Hermione and Hermione wouldn’t have noticed Bellatrix being pregnant? That Hermione Granger wouldn’t have used Bellatrix’s pregnancy to her own advantage?

Could she have been born in March? It’s very possible. But a very shitty plotline.

No. I don’t believe it. I don’t even care about Scorpius and Albus travelling through time and fucking shit up – if anything, go for it, my sons – and I liked getting to see adult Harry, Ginny, Hermione, Ron and Draco. And that Professor McGonagall is canonically the Headmistress of Hogwarts. And go Hermione! Being the Minister for Magic.

Draco and Scorpius Malfoy are also probably the best part of this.

But the rest of the story? No. I think I’ll stick with the better written fanfiction, thanks.

Rated: 2/5✨